Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
