my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
