I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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