I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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