She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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