I feel great
I just peed on a car
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize