I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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