life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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