See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
