Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
