i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
