Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
