Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
