Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
