You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
