I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize