Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
