yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
