Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
