I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
