How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
