I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
