i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
