No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
