I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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