I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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