i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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