He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are a genius and a whore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
