If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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