I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
