So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
