Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
