in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
