all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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