Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
