Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
