Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
