oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
