we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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