I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
