How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
