i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
