You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
