Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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