oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i barfeds in our rink
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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