Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He shit in the fireplace
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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