get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
