i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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