My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
