he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
