ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
