I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
