singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
