please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
