we have officially lost it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
