i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
