She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
