Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
one might say we're banned from that church
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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