Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
