be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
