I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
