Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
