I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
