worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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