thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
