I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
