Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
