Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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