I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
