So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
