Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
