My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
