do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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