Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
