guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
