oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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