Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
