just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was CRYING into my vagina
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
