sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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