Sponge bath it is.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
