okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
