I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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