she smelled like a LAN party
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
